Prompt Night #5 "I know you think I've forgotten, but today in rain, without coat, without hat" (April 2025)

 

I Know You Think I've Forgotten

but today in rain

without coat

without hat

dewdrops weigh my hair like limp leaves 

and i come inside like a wet dog

god forbid i shake, for fear of being perceived as rabid

as you always found me to be

the unruly woman, the unruly boy, with soaked matted hair and ash on my left sleeve.

I know you think I’ve forgotten, 

when I stand parallel in the hallway, contentment clad with the woman who trained the dog 

with the woman who combed my gnarled fur

I know you think i’ve forgotten, when I smell your exorbitant eau de toilette, that you find so opulent, 

that I find so headache inducing 

and I don’t so much as meet your eyes

what was at a certain point unthinkable

is now common practice 

a casual indifference to your presence that could never exist

not for the act of missing

but for the act of an ancient ache 

and a current realization 

i’m sick

like a dog 

with the realization of having been battered and shot down 

somewhat like old yeller

or something like that 

not that you read 

or anything.

I know you think i’ve forgotten 

but today in the rain 

i am filled with shame 

that you manducated my beating heart 

and that I went along with it

like the loyal mongrel I am.

I know you think i’ve forgotten

but the clouds are starting to part 

and i don’t think i’ll ever let myself be battered again