I watched cancer chew up my grandmother and hock her out like a loogie, I watched her skin start to sag like soaked limp trees after a storm, I watched as she lost her color and became translucent blue, I watched her become chipped lead paint. I watched chunks of her hair hit the linoleum tile floor of her shower and clog the drain.I watched her pure white sheets become an off white and then a beige and then a shit brown excuse for the pale linen they once were. It all made me sick, and guilty. I should have taken this all as an omen. Heres what will happen if you keep smoking under the sun with no SPF. I'm self destructive but its more than that. I have a level of audacity, to have looked my grandmother in the eye, to have delivered a eulogy, and to continue to live as I do. I think it’s gluttony.
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